Senoritas…the beauty, the intrigue and the myths

Courting a Spanish woman takes skill. I am not entirely sure what those requisite skills may be, but this column is intended to outline the landscape of senoritas and to designate possible skill sets to court tu amor. I do not claim to be an authority of any sorts on women (I have never maintained a relationship longer than six months), or Spanish culture (I only spent four weeks there); but, every male I talked to before leaving for Spain seemed very interested in my prospects abroad. They were just prospects. Now, it would be much simpler for me to just say, “Nope. I didn’t score,” but did anyone believe I would give such a simple answer?

I would have a very difficult time believing anyone who tells me that their town, their state, or their school has “the best women,” unless they are specifically referring to Granada, Spain. When General Johnson of Chairman of the Board wrote “Carolina Girls,” we shouldn’t have been so naïve as to conclude that he was traveled enough to know which girls are the “best in the world.” People-watching in Granada was full of surprises because every day I would see a new senorita that was more enchanting than anyone I had ever seen. Pursuing one of these senoritas was like any great scavenger hunt, every step led to a new tip and a better reward. Here is the road map that I have gathered:

The Threshold Issues
1) The first and most obvious hurdle to clear is the language barrier. Nothing is more futile than trying to converse with a woman who doesn’t speak your language. Anyone who suggest differently is probably named Tom Brady, so none of this would apply anyways. Skill set needed: Proficiency in Castillian linguistics.

2) The next thing to understand about senoritas is that they know they are amazingly attractive. So, not only are the women intimidating, they know they are. I have found the most fortified of women to be those that are fit and know it. Skill set needed: Confidence.

3) Despite them knowing that they are so gorgeous, I do not find senoritas to act promiscuously (this ain’t Mexico boys). In fact, senoritas are quite reserved; even the ones at discotequas. And this distinguishes them from other girls. Do not confused that statement to mean that every girl that isn’t Spanish acts inappropriately (b/c senoritas do dress provocatively) or even sleazy (and they seemed worse about public displays of affection); just understand that senoritas are conservative flirts. All that information is necessary to understand the ultimate point: Senoritas care about their reputations, and they don’t want to lose their title as most intriguing. Skill set needed: Patience and a little dusting of the shoulders.

4) As a consequence of their cohesive effort to maintain their status and respectability, senoritas rarely drink in excess. I don’t recall observing a single person of the opposite sex ever to be as drunk as me, or even drunk at all. I mean, these girls will probably have a soft liquor or wine drink once or twice, but never to the state of inebriation. And because the women never drank much, the men dare never to speak to them if they have over-consumed. Without taking an Adamist or Evest side, one can easily see the cycle here: Girls don’t binge drink, so guys don’t drink in order to improve their chances. Now, I will readily concede the inverse to be plausible, that Spanish men don’t drink, so the women don’t either in order to improve their chances. Either way it is a big faux pas in Europe to talk to anyone outside of your circle if you are binge drinking. Skill set needed: Moderation.

5) The Spanish culture is very formalistic. Males and females greet one another with kisses on the cheeks instead of hugs- even the teenagers and married friends do this. But visiting American students aren’t a part of that culture, and posers never get anywhere with the ladies. I can’t just go around kissing everyone and speaking in the usted-form and expect a senorita to be receptive. Again, it is very much frowned upon to just walk up to someone you don’t know and strike up a conversation. Spaniards are friendly, but they refrain from small talk with strangers. Thus, in order for someone in my situation to have a chance, they would need to be introduced formally by someone she knows. Skill set needed: A full range of friends.


Through the Door Issues
6) Spanish men were notoriously rude towards women and practiced heavy discrimination against them under the Franco-regime (which ended in the ‘70s). Because their male-oriented culture has only begun to thaw, all Spanish women remain skeptical about male behavior, and even more so towards men who are aggressive. Skill set needed: The Touch.

7) Casual dating is still practiced, and consequently senoritas are usually accompanied by a male to the bars and clubs. Remember your parents’ and grandparents’ stories about how they dated someone new every weekend? That is what Spain is like. Casual dating is something altogether different than today’s American practice of boyfriends and girlfriends entering mini-marriages. That is a whole subject into itself, so I will not digress. Skill set needed: Luck or 1.21 gigahertz.

Closing the Door
8) If one were able to pass all these aforementioned threshold issues and was interested in romantically pursuing a senorita, then your chances would improve as you transcend the American stereotypes. Broadly, I had difficulty with these two situations:
a) I am American, and it’s painfully clear the first moment I opened my mouth. So, for me, I have great difficulty overcoming #1- the language barrier. Second, senoritas think Americans are ethnocentric. One particular interest of mine, Sara, told me that she is weary of American boys because she heard that we think Spanish women are just as promiscuous as Mexicans. I don’t know which dude down the line f’ed that one up for me, but that was a shitty move on his part.
b) More decisively, I am not Spanish. This may not matter to someone who is a Neapolitan, but I tend to find that women are hesitant to cross that line for the first time (for lack of a phile-word for the trans-ethnically interested…let’s go with Neapolitan). Now, there were a few senoritas that thought I was Italian, which one would assume would improve my chances. Wrong. Spaniards think Italians are dirty. Skill set needed: Open-mindedness.

9) Other than that, you the only skill set you need is…Game


“Coffee is for closer,”

- Hunter Reid